City of Ashes: Fearless

[strongest_faith]

Alec didn't sleep last night. He tried. He went home and trained for two hours. He showered. He wandered the halls of the Institute keeping out of the Inquisitor's way. Eventually he sort of dozed for a couple hours, but before the sun rose, he was up again.

Now he's on Luke's porch with a box of doughnuts in his lap. He should go in. That's why he's here, to check on everyone, see if Luke and the other werewolf are all right.

To see Magnus.

And Jace.

Jace who not only isn't in love with but is also so completely immune to the idea that he can't comprehend it.

He's still working out whether or not he wants to go in when Jace comes up the walk, hands in his pockets, looking too beautiful and not at all like he knows how much he hurt Alec last night.

"Is there a reason you're not going in?" Jace asks by way of a greeting.

Alec shrugs. He doesn't know what to say to Jace now, not after yesterday.

"Well, I'm not sitting out here all morning to freeze," Jace says and shoulders past Alec into the house.

Alec follows him. Luke and Maia are on the couch where Maia seems to be crying. Clary stands with a cup of coffee, and Magnus…

Magnus is sprawled in an armchair. There's a whirl of motion when Alec steps in, and he doesn't see what causes it, but Magnus is sitting there with his hair…clean. No spikes, no glitter, just soft and dark, falling halfway to his shoulders, and Alec blinks because he's never seen Magnus like this before, and it's sort of beautiful. It's really beautiful.

"Everyone in a good mood, I see," Jace says, his gaze sweeping over the crying werewolf. "Keeping up morale?"

"Crap," Maia says, rubbing her eyes. "I hate crying in front of Shadowhunters."

"So go cry in another room," Jace says, his voice too level. "We certainly don't need you sniveling in here while we're talking, do we?"

"Jace," Luke starts, but Maia's already left the room.

"Talking?" Clary says. "We weren't talking."

"But we will be." Jace drops onto the piano bench. "Magnus wants to shout at me, don't you, Magnus?"

It's only when Magnus looks away to Jace that Alec realizes the warlock had been staring at him. After last night, Alec has no idea where they stand, but when Magnus' gaze moves to Jace, Alec's follows.

"Yes," Magnus says. "Where the hell were you? I thought I was clear with you that you were to stay in the house."

Clary says, "I thought he didn't have a choice. I thought he had to stay where you are. You know, because of magic."

"Normally, yes, but last night, after everything I did, my magic was—depleted."

"Depleted?" Clary asks, and Alec turns his attention back from Jace to Magnus. He does look tired. Did he sleep last night? Has he eaten breakfast yet?

"Yes," Magnus snaps. "Even the High Warlock of Brooklyn doesn't have inexhaustible resources. I'm only human. Well, half-human, anyway."

"But you must have known your resources were depleted, didn't you?" Luke asks.

"Yes, and I made the little bastard swear to stay in the house." He glares at Jace. "Now I know what your much-vaunted Shadowhunter vows are worth."

Jace answers smoothly. "You need to know how to make me swear properly. Only an oath on the Angel has any meaning."

"It's true," Alec says because he's so used to backing Jace up that it comes out before he can stop it.

"Of course it's true," Jace says, picking up someone's coffee and taking a sip, then making a face. "Sugar."

Magnus' tone is sour. "Where were you all night, anyway? With Alec?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk. When I got back, I bumped into this sad bastard," he points to Alec, "mooning around on the porch."

"Were you there all night?" Magnus asks him, considerably brighter.

"No. I went home and then came back. I'm wearing different clothes, aren't I? Look."

Everyone looks. It doesn't seem like they can see that the faded, dark sweater and jeans he's wearing today are a totally different faded, dark sweater and jeans than what he was wearing yesterday.

"What's in the box?" Clary asks, and Alec looks down at his hands.

"Oh. Ah. Doughnuts, actually." He opens the box and sets it on the coffee table. "Does anyone want one?"

Doughnuts are passed around and consumed. Luke kicks off his blanket and sits up. "There's one thing I don't get."

"Just one thing?" Jace asks. "You're way ahead of the rest of us."

"The two of you went out after me," Luke says, gesturing to Jace and Clary.

Clary jumps in."Three of us. Simon came with."

"Fine," Luke says. "The three of you. There were two demons, but Clary says you killed neither of them. So what happened?"

"I would have killed mine," Jace says, "but it ran off. Otherwise—"

"But why would it do that," Alec interrupts because that seems way more important than Jace's ego right now. "Two of them, three of you—maybe it felt outnumbered?" That seems unlikely.

"No offense to anyone involved," Magnus says, "but the only one among you who seems formidable is Jace. An untrained Shadowhunter and a scared vampire…"

"I think it might have been me," Clary says. "I think maybe I scared it off."

"Didn't I just say—" Magnus blinks.

"I don't mean I scared it off because I'm so terrifying. I think it was this." Clary raises her hand and turns it, showing a Mark on her inner arm. Alec blinks, looking closer.

It's…impossible.

"I've never seen that Mark before," Luke says, echoing what they all must be thinking. "Has anyone else?"

"No," Magnus says. "But I don't like it."

"I'm not sure what it is," Clary says, putting her arm down, "or what it means. But it doesn't come from the Gray Book."

"All runes come from the Gray Book." It's Jace who answers, but it could be any of them. They all know it just as well.

"Not this one."

***

Clary explains the impossible. The rune came to her in a dream. She thinks it might be true what the Seelie Queen told her about how she and Jace were experiments, that Valentine had done things to them. She reminds them of the Opening rune she used on Jace's cell in the City of Bones. Alec remembers how the door was twisted off its hinge, not like an ordinary Opening.

Luke sends her to get her sketch pad, and when she comes back she says, "What do you want me to do?"

"What do you think?" Jace asks from his spot at the piano.

"Jace, that's enough," Luke says from the couch, looking like he might not be fully recovered from last night. "You said you could draw new runes, Clary?"

"I said I thought so."

"Well, I'd like you to try."

"Now?"

"Unless you've got something else in mind?" Luke says with a small smile.

Clary opens the book, but she doesn't draw anything. After a moment, she throws her pencil down. "I can't just do it on command like that. Not without an idea."

"What kind of idea?" Luke asks.

"I mean, I don't even know what runes already exist. I need to know a meaning, a word, before I can draw a rune for it."

"It's hard enough for us to remember every rune—" Alec is cut off by Jace before he can finish.

"How about Fearless?" he says quietly.

"Fearless?" Clary echoes.

Jace nods. "There are runes for bravery. But never anything to take away fear. But if you, as you say, can create new runes…" He looks around the room, catching Luke's gaze and then Alec's. Only Jace would think of that. "Look, I just remembered there isn't one, that's all. And it seems harmless enough."

Clary looks to Luke, who shrugs. "Fine."

Alec watches her as she works, so intent, so fluid, as though this is a thing she was born to do. She looks like Jace does when he's fighting. When she's finished, she tears the page from her book and holds it up triumphantly. "There."

Alec leans forward for a better look. "Cool."

Jace gets up and takes the paper from her. "But does it work?"

"What do you mean?" Clary asks.

"I mean, how do we know it works? Right now it's just a drawing—you can't take fear away from a piece of paper, it doesn't have any to begin with. We have to try it out on one of us before we can be sure it's a real rune."

"I'm not sure that's such a great idea," Luke protests, but Jace rolls right over him.

"It's a fabulous idea." He drops the paper and starts to slide out of his jacket. "I've got a stele we can use. Who wants to do me?"

Magnus mutters, "A regrettable choice of words."

"No," Luke says, standing. "Jace, you already behave as if you've never heard the word 'fear.' I fail to see how we're going to be able to tell the difference if it does work on you."

Alec has to choke back a laugh, though it's one of the things he envies most about Jace. If Jace were in Alec's position, he wouldn't hide and lie for fear of the consequences.

Jace gives a tight smile. "I've heard the word, 'fear.' I simply choose to believe it doesn't apply to me."

"Exactly the problem," Luke points out.

"Well, why don't I try it on you, then?" Clary says to Luke, who shakes his head.

"You can't Mark Downworlders, Clary, not with any real effect. The demon disease that causes lycanthropy prevents Marks from taking effect."

"Then…"

"Try it on me," Alec says, surprising everyone, including himself. "I could do with some fearlessness." He shucks his jacket and crosses to Jace. "Here. Mark my arm."

"Unless you think you should do it?" Jace says to Clary, already lifting his stele.

"No," Clary says, shaking her head. "You're probably better at actually applying Marks than I am."

"Roll up your sleeve, Alec," Jace says with a shrug. He draws the rune with practiced grace but slow strokes around the unfamiliar shapes, and Alec winces as the stele burns across his skin. When it's finished, Jace says, "Well, it looks nice at least. Whether it works or not…"

Alec looks down at his arm, tracing the Mark with his fingertips. When he looks up, everyone is staring at him.

"So?" Clary asks.

"So what?" He rolls down his sleeve.

"So, how do you feel? Any different?"

Alec takes a moment to think about it. "Not really."

"So it doesn't work," Jace says, throwing up his hands.

"Not necessarily," Luke says. "There might simply be nothing going on that might activate it. Perhaps there isn't anything here that Alec is afraid of."

Magnus looks at Alec and raises his eyebrows. "Boo."

Alec smiles.

"Come on," Jace says, grinning. "Surely you've got a phobia or two. What scares you?"

Alec thinks for a moment, trying to come up with an answer that might be of any use here. "Spiders."

"Have you got a spider anywhere?" Clary asks Luke.

"Why would I have a spider? Do I look like someone who would collect them?"

"No offense," Jace says, "but you kind of do."

This is useless, so Alec says, "You know, maybe this was a stupid experiment."

"What about the dark?" Clary offers. "We could lock you in the basement."

"I'm a demon hunter," Alec says slowly. "Clearly I am not afraid of the dark."

"Well, you might be."

"But I'm not."

The doorbell buzzes, and Clary looks to Luke. "Simon?"

"Couldn't be. It's daylight."

"Oh, right," Clary says like she's forgotten her best friend is now a vampire. It must be hard. Alec can't imagine what that must be like. For either of them. "Do you want me to get it?"

"No," Luke says, standing again. "I'm fine. It's probably someone wondering why the bookstore's shut."

When he opens the door, he stiffens, and Alec hears an uncomfortably familiar voice. A moment later Izzy and his mom stride in, followed by the Inquisitor.

And then his dad.

Magnus moves in the corner of his eye, and Alec looks from Izzy to his mom to his dad. And he makes a decision.

"Alec," Maryse says, looking to him with surprise. "What on earth are you doing here? I thought I made it clear that—"

"Mother," Alec interrupts. "Father. There's something I have to tell you." He's vaguely aware that he should be afraid, that there could be consequences for this, but he just…doesn't care. He smiles at them both. "There's something I have to tell you. I'm seeing someone."

His dad sighs in exasperation. "Alec. This is hardly the time."

"Yes, it is," Alec says, and the words start pouring out like they often do, only this time he doesn't try to stop them. "This is important. You see, I'm not just seeing anyone. I'm seeing a Downworlder. In fact, I'm seeing a war—"

There's a movement in his peripheral vision near Magnus, a shimmer in the air, and then everything goes black.

When he opens his eyes, he's on the floor, Izzy crouched over him. "Wha—what—why am I on the floor?"

"That's a good question," Izzy says, glowering at him. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Alec sits up, holding his head. Clary's rune has faded from his arm, and he suddenly remembers the calm that had overcome him. "What—did I say anything? Before I passed out, I mean."

Jace snorts. "You know how we were wondering if that thing Clary did would work or not? It works all right."

"What did I say?" Alec asks. The Mark is definitely gone now, and he feels a sharp spike of fear.

"You said you were seeing someone," his dad says, clearly annoyed but nothing worse. "Though you weren't clear as to why that was important."

"It's not," Alec says quickly. "I mean, I'm not seeing anyone. And it's not important. Or it wouldn't be if I was seeing someone, which I'm not."

"Alec's been delirious," Magnus says, and Alec sags in relief. "Side effect of some demon toxins. Most unfortunate, but he'll be fine soon."

After a brief moment of panic from Maryse, they relay the events of the past twenty-four hours, but it's Inquisitor Herondale who has the real bombshell to drop.

When Jace went for his walk last night, he stole a vampire's motorcycle and flew to see his father in the middle of the East River. When Alec looks to Jace for a reaction, Jace's face is completely closed off.

The Inquisitor admits to planting a tracking rune on Jace, and when Jace protests, she reminds him that his family also broke the Law in freeing him from the Silent City. When Izzy interrupts the Inquisitor, it starts to get ugly, with accusations flung and digs about Robert and Maryse's time with Valentine's Circle. Clary tries to intervene, and Jace shouts at her.

The whole thing is spiraling out of control, and Alec can see only one chance to save it, to save Jace. He hopes there is enough of Clary's rune left to help him manage it.

"If the boy went to his father," Luke is saying, "knowing the kind of father Valentine was, it is because we failed him, not because he has failed us."

"Save us your sophistry, Lucian," the Inquisitor says. "You've gone as soft as a mundane."

"She's right," Alec says, arms crossed over his chest, jaw set to keep from betraying any emotion. "Jace lied to us. There's no excuse for that."

He can't look at them, at any of them, but he feels their gazes boring into him: Izzy and Jace, even Clary. He keeps his eyes on the floor.

"Alec," Izzy says, "how can you say that?"

"The Law is the Law," he says firmly. "There's no way around that."

Izzy makes a sound angrier than Alec has ever heard from her and runs out the door.

"I do believe that's my cue to leave as well," Magnus says, standing. "I'd say it's been nice meeting you all, but, in fact, it hasn't. It's been quite awkward, and frankly, the next time I see a single one of you will be far too soon."

Alec desperately wants to believe Magnus doesn't mean him, but at this point, he wouldn't bet on it. The door slams behind the warlock when he goes.

He stays silent, his eyes on the floor, as Jace is bound, as Clary tries to protest again. Nasty things are said, and eventually Jace is led out, and Alec follows his parents into the street, eyes on the ground the entire way.


[ooc: All dialogue except the first two lines comes from City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare.]